Something Amazing.

I’m not sure what you make me feel anymore.  One feeling is for certain though.  No matter how I think of it, I’m not happy with you.  Whether I am truly angry or just temporarily disappointed, I’m not sure.  I’m leaning more towards angry.  Actually, this will be the last straw.  There is a reason second chances aren’t to be ruined.  You didn’t appreciate me enough so that it doesn’t matter if you actually try to fix it later on.  I’m just about done with your bullshit.  I hope you are happy and got what you wanted.  I’m walking away from you forever.  Well, I wouldn’t say walking away.  I’m not one to leave without causing a little bit of chaos.  What would be the point if I don’t make this transition a little rough?

I’m turning 20 in a little more than a week.  It feels weird.  I don’t feel like I’m fit for that age.  I even asked my sister and she says she often still thinks I’m 18.  Also, I don’t even know what to do on my birthday.  As the year past, a lot of things have changed.  I met new people, got closer to some others, stop talking to some, and even lost all faith in those I used to love.  It’s hard to decide who I want to be with on my birthday and how to celebrate it with each different group of friends.  I know it sounds very “first-world problem”, but it’s much more than that.  The fact that I’m limiting my parties to only a few close friends…is that a sign that I’m getting older?  I remember my 18th birthday had a lot of people by my standards.  Every year is getting smaller and less motivated.

It seems I haven’t been on tumblr in a while.  -_-  There is a reason for that.  I just got the free trial for Diablo 3 and my brothers are playing LoL on my computer nonstop since it is summer vacation.  I’ll be back on every once in a while or whenever I can.  I’m just so lazy to try and catch up.  :[

Back in high school, I was known for being a friend to nearly everyone I meet.  A couple friends of mine told me that and that they admire that aspect of me.  It was true.  I did make a bunch of friends in high school.  Even past that, I made many friends.  Now, I’m beginning to see which of those friends I want to stay with.  Ironically, the ones I thought I cared about are the ones I’m losing faith in.  And the ones I didn’t pay full attention to are the ones I want to stay with.  It seems the universe is making a move to fix all of that.  I’m slowly getting pushed away from the old one and I’m being rewelcomed into the one I want to be in.  Also, there is another group of friends that has been there for me even in my darkest moments.  It’s good to know I still have two groups of friends that are still willing to be apart of my life and I’m more than thankful for that.  Who needs that old group when I have friends that actually still acknowledge my existence?

When I am actually content with my own piano playing:

*Sends a very important text message*  

-silence-

-silence-

-silence-

Ok.  Don’t reply.  That’s cool too.

I know you really aren’t doing anything, but seeing your face on my computer screen makes me want to punch the computer screen.  I just have problems.  I honestly want to talk to you about it, but I really don’t have any valid reason to be angry.  I feel like I just want to hate you and destroy you.  It’s so sad considering that I am also very protective of you and care about you at the same time.  

I wish I could punch you in the face.  Too bad there are too many consequences to that.  Instead, I’ll be punching you in my mind.  That should do for now.  I just advise you do not piss me off enough to make me actually punch you in the face.

What would happen if my fist somehow comes into contact with your face at a high velocity?  If we could have a few test runs and analyze the results, I’d be more than happy to demonstrate my frustration towards you.  

Nothing would make me feel better than to destroy you right now.  However, I know I will regret it later.  I guess you are lucky this time.